I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
