Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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