During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
