I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
