Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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