I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
