Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
