i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
