the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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