i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
