you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
