No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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