Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
