I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
