I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
