Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
