Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
