He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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