Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the day after is always just damage control
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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