She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
