My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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