Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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