Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize