he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
