Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
