i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
