We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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