am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
