For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
