I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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