I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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