My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
