oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
