Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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