I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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