The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
