I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
