We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
