i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
