This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
