I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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