Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
