Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
