i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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