So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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