Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
