Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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