Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
