I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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