Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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