His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
