My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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