Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
