Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
