i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
