One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
