Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

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  (717): How was your Memorial Day? (1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name. http://tfl.nu/grou
  Replies (10) Good night (3709) Bad night (618)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.

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  (253): don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects. http://tfl.nu/678l
  Replies (15) Good night (700) Bad night (2925)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8716) Bad night (675)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.

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  (603): If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored. http://tfl.nu/j0xj
  Replies (8) Good night (4691) Bad night (842)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

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  (708): i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life http://tfl.nu/nn4z
  Replies (32) Good night (1876) Bad night (5900)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink

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  (778): Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink http://tfl.nu/5oo7
  Replies (17) Good night (3419) Bad night (993)
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  (628): View more from California

  That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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  (628): That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM. http://tfl.nu/93q7
  Replies (56) Good night (6905) Bad night (805)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.

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  (519): I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future. http://tfl.nu/3f9u
  Replies (4) Good night (1284) Bad night (495)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.

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  (919): I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping. http://tfl.nu/iyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (1971) Bad night (1083)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

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  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (1976) Bad night (561)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding

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  (613): Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding http://tfl.nu/o6yr
  Replies (6) Good night (682) Bad night (1212)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.

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  (501): My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone. http://tfl.nu/7x1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1615) Bad night (363)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON

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  (414): Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON http://tfl.nu/rpwp
  Replies (7) Good night (1338) Bad night (290)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Kings cup with teenagers tonight

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Done deal

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  (303): Kings cup with teenagers tonight (1-303): Done deal http://tfl.nu/i22o
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (275)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.

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  (940): Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me. http://tfl.nu/f1j1
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (242)

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