he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
found the other keg... it's in the tree
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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