I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.