where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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