I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
