Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
