Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
