Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
