I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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