I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
