wrigley field is MILF paradise
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
