Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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