What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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