it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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