U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
