I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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