Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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