this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
