I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
